Kristen SchaalFSB Author Article
Excerpt
The following is an excerpt from the book Love, Magic
& Mudpies
by Bernie Siegel, MD
Published by Rodale; November
2006;$17.95US/$21.95CAN;
1-59486-554-X
Copyright © 2006 Bernie Siegel, MD
Mom, Dad, How Do I Look?
Our society's strong emphasis on dieting and
self-image can sometimes lead to eating disorders. We know that more
than five million Americans suffer from eating disorders, most of them
young women.
--Tipper Gore
Many are concerned about how our children perceive themselves and their appearance these days, particularly because of the media and its strong impact on the young mind. This has led to many questions, such as: How do you answer your kids, regardless of their age, when they ask you about how they look? Do you set guidelines and rules about how they dress? If you don't pay attention to your children's appearance, they may start believing that they are ugly beyond repair or you just don't care. They may try to go to extremes, such as plastic surgery, tattooing, or piercing, until they feel as though they have gotten through to you or received your approval -- or sometimes disapproval, just to get attention. Remember, the opposite of love is indifference.
Your eyes are the greatest mirrors a child can have. Your words also reflect back to children what you see. Criticizing their appearance will greatly damage their self-esteem and may even cause severe body image issues in the future. Let them know how beautiful and handsome they are. You don't need a special occasion to say something nice, especially when they are not in the room but within earshot. When they hear you telling someone about how lucky you feel to have such beautiful children, it will get through to them, helping them survive the laughter and criticism of those who do not feel loved or beautiful.
Our children need to lovingly accept what they look like and not define themselves by what they think is wrong with them. By letting them know that you love them unconditionally and think they are beautiful both inside and out, you will instill a strong self-image in your children. On the other hand, try not to put too much emphasis on appearance. I always point out that our pets never spend time in front of the mirror or come and ask me for a bath and shampoo; they know they are here to love and be loved. We need to accept that the role of the body is to help us appreciate and enjoy life; it is not something to be used as a standard by which we measure and judge ourselves.
I once met a young woman born with no arms. I learned a great deal from her about wholeness and what we are capable of doing with bodies that may seem handicapped to others. The same is true of your children, who may feel they have no athletic ability or are not thin enough, pretty enough, or tall enough. Teach them to embrace life and to love their bodies despite any perceived imperfections.
How to Make the Magic: Ask your kids to draw a picture of themselves for you to use as a decoration. Then look at how much of the page they use and what their self-image looks like. It will tell you a great deal about their self-image and whether they need help or not. Take some time with your children to share the feelings you had when you were young about such issues as your appearance, weight, body image, and athletic ability. Ask them how they feel about their bodies, help them to love themselves, and help them to change what they don't like. Get them out walking with you or cook healthy meals in the kitchen together. Empower them with vigorous exercise, a healthy diet. a huge dose of self-acceptance, and lots and lots of love.
Reprinted from: Love, Magic & Mudpies: Raising Your Kids to Feel Loved, Be Kind, and Make a Difference by Bernie Siegel, MD © 2006 Bernie Siegel, MD. Permission granted by Rodale, Inc., Emmaus, PA 18098. Available wherever books are sold or directly from the publisher by calling at (800) 848-4735.
