FSB Author Article
What do Men really want? Food, Sex, Laundry . . .
By Simon Oaks,
Author of Will Marry for Food, Sex, and Laundry: How to Get Him -- and How to Keep Him
As a people, we've come a long way. We've cracked the human
genome, crossed the seven seas, sent man to the moon and put Ryan
Seacrest on TV. We've made technological and social advances
(although the Seacrest thing is debatable). Well done us. But
despite these advances, the relationship between men and women remains
very much the same. We will always be slaves to our DNA.
Women will always think their butts are too big and men will never ask
So even though we're now entrenched in the 21st century, men still possess needs that have been with them since the dawn of time. When it comes to relationship bliss, it's food, sex and laundry.
Food has a deep psychological effect on us. What do people do to celebrate an occasion? They eat together. Even Jesus had a blowout meal with his buddies when he knew his time was up. We eat to live. Food makes us happy. Food means we have the energy to live another day. Food is also where we sink our sorrows. Hands up, who has kicked back a pint of ice cream over a bad breakup? And no one likes to eat alone. There's a reason there are counters in restaurants and diners. It's a place where the single folk can eat and not be lonely.
It doesn't matter if a guy knows his way around the kitchen or not, he likes to have a meal cooked for him by a woman. Women are nurturers by nature. They look out for others. A guy's nurturing tendencies go as far as "Walk it off, son." It's very calming to a guy when a woman does something nice for him. Whatever is going wrong in the world, everything can be reset with an act of kindness from his woman -- and making a meal for him can be just that act. It reminds him that someone out there is looking out for him. This shouldn't be viewed as a submissive role. The meal maker holds a position of power. You can make him happy and for that he'll be forever grateful.
Besides humans, dolphins and some apes are the only other animals that have sex for pleasure -- and the dolphin and monkey dating scene is so limited these days. Ignoring that whole procreation-for-the-sake-of-our-species side of the issue, it's a source of enjoyment, release, and recreation. On a purely chemical and physical level, sex is good for us. It makes us feel happy and contented. But on a guy level, sex is also good for his ego. It shows the world where he stacks up. Now he's not going to shout to the world through a megaphone that he's getting it twice nightly, but he's able to say with confidence that he does alright if ever called upon to answer the question. Guys are going to brag about the frequency of their lovemaking or the number of notches on their gun belts, but no guy on earth is going to admit to a crappy sex life. A bad or non-existent love life is going to hit him where it hurts. He's not going to feel like a man. Men can do without a lot of things in life, but sex isn't one of those and the woman in his life can provide that.
That got your attention, didn't it? This isn't just laundry, but chores in general. Let's face facts. There are some things that men will never master no matter the training they're given. For whatever reason, most men aren't great groomers or habitat cleaners. Ask a single guy how he keeps anything clean and I'm sure you as a female will be quite disturbed. Most guys are environmental health risks. Personally, I used to incorporate a floor-based system of laundry in which different heaps of things were classified as:
- Worn once, but can be worn again
- Gym only
- If that doesn't go in washer now, it's going to crack like a china plate.
Ladies, I'm sure you've bought underwear with the days of the week
printed on them. If guys did the same, they'd be marked with the
Needless to say, guys need help in this department. Women have a tendency to want to change a guy, and this is where you can do this figuratively and literally, through a program of education and taking charge. And a guy isn't going to complain about your involvement. He's looking for help and he's going to be grateful for it -- and so is the environment.
I know we live in a time of equality, but equality in a relationship doesn't mean dividing everything down the middle. No couple is made up of two people with equal skills. He has his strengths and you have yours. A great relationship is like a two-piece jigsaw. Together, you not only compliment each other but you make something better than the individual pieces. It's a sharing experience. Where you fill one of his gaps, he fills one of yours. What does your man need to give you to make your life better? For him, it's food, sex and laundry -- well, to begin with anyway.
©2009 Simon Oaks, author of Will Marry for Food, Sex, and Laundry: How to Get Him -- and How to Keep Him
Simon Oaks, author of Will Marry for Food, Sex, and Laundry: How to Get Him -- and How to Keep Him, is a California transplant from England, who swore he'd remain single for life. But now this former racecar driver turned writer is a bachelor turned husband, and is letting the women out there know the secrets behind making a man commit. He's been happily married now for ten years to his American wife, Julie. The two live together in Richmond, CA.