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The List: A Love Story in 781 Chapters Excerpt from The List: A Love Story in 781 Chapters

by Aneva Stout

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1. You will dream about meeting Mr. Right.
    a. You'll be eleven.
    b. Twelve.
    c. Forty-six.

2. Your first Mr. Right will be a rock star.

3. Your first Mr. Wrong will be a musician.

4. You will not learn from this.

5. You will get advice about men from your mother.
    a. "It's as easy to love a rich man as a poor man."
    b. "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
    c. "Good luck."

6. You'll decide your mother has no idea what she's talking about.
    a. Until you're her age.

7. You'll go out with a girlfriend, hoping to meet Mr. Right. 
    a. You'll be twenty. 
    b. Thirty. 
    c. Your mother's age.

8. You'll meet a man in a bar.
    a. The bartender.
    b. The bouncer.
    c. A banker.
    d. A man who's wearing a T-shirt that says: Eat Me.

9. You'll go out with the banker.

10. He'll ask you if you ever watch CNN.

11. He'll ask you if you own any mutual funds.

12. He'll order a virgin margarita.
    a. No salt.

13. You'll need a tequila.

14. You'll wish you had picked the guy who was wearing a T-shirt that said: Eat Me.

15. You'll go out with a guy who looks like he might own a T-shirt that says: Eat Me.

16. He'll ask you if you've ever seen Spider-Man.

17. He'll ask you if you have any money because he forgot his.

18. He'll ask you if he can borrow some money until he gets paid.

19. You'll go home and call your mother.

20. You'll go home and eat a pint of Häagen-Dazs.

21. You'll go home and call your ex.

22. A woman will answer the phone.

23. She'll have a French accent.

24. You'll break out the vodka.

25. And call your ex again.

26. You'll leave a message on his answering machine.

27. You'll barely remember the message in the morning.

28. Your ex will never forget it:

29. His French girlfriend will never forget it.
    a. It will remind her of the drunken message she left her ex.

30. You'll tell yourself you'll never call a man when you're drunk.
    a. Ha.

31. You'll call your girlfriend and say, "You're never going to believe what I did last night."

32. She'll say, "You got drunk and called your ex."

33. You'll be grateful for your girlfriends.

34. You'll decide that you don't need a man.

35. You'll think: I have my girlfriends.
    a. I have my job.
    b. I have a cat.

36. You'll share your Häagen-Dazs with your cat.

37. You'll watch a whole season of Sex and the City.

38. You'll sit in a café with a good book.

39. You'll wonder why you ever thought you wanted a man in your life.

40. A man seated near you in the café will ask you what you're reading.

41. He'll be tall.
    a. Dark.
    b. Handsome.
    c. French.
    d. Okay, he won't be French.

42. You'll say, "War and Peace."
    a. "Remembrance of Things Past."
    b. "If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?"

43. He'll say, "I love Tolstoy."

44. You'll wonder why you ever wondered about wanting a man in your life.

45. You'll wonder why you ever doubted that you'd meet a man.

46. You'll have an afternoon you thought could happen only in the movies.

Reprinted from The List: A Love Story in 781 Chapters by Aneva Stout. Copyright © 2006 Aneva Stout.